Life is falling apart

Hey all I am sorry that I haven't been blogging but things have been falling apart. I am having trouble with depression and suicidal thoughts. I know, that is bad but I don't care. Anyways I am not going to church at this moment and I am ok with that. Lately I don't care. My perseption is that you go to church and your in the fantasy but then you go home and you go back to reality. I don't think I can live like that.

I am on all this medication and smoking but I don't think I will change all my morals but I dont think church is for me.

Ladies Retreat in Appleton

This weekend was great. The speakers were Sister Harding and Sister Sisco ( might be wrong on spelling). Sis. Harding taught us Don't Fret but Trust. I really had to hear that because I don't know what I am going to do next school year. She also sang for us. I got one song by her and I loved it. Anyways Sister S. taught us how to win souls for Jesus. I know it sounds bad but that is what everyone does. Other than the speakers I loved the conference.

Please pray for me because I have a bad cold.

I must be a failure.

Today I meet with my instructors for school and they suggest that I switch majors at school because I were having problems with my clinicals. I was told that I don't have interpersonal skill and I don't think that is true. So I did all that work for nothing practically. I was really mad. I also feel like a failure.

Anyway I will be leaving for Appleton for Ladies Retreat. I guess I need to get out of here. I have so much anxiety and I guess stress can happen to everyone. Anyways I will try to blog through out the Retreat if possible.

Children Holy Ghost Crusade and some

The Thorp puppet ministry came to our church for the Children Holy Ghost Crusade. It was a great hit with many puppets. There were puppets that glow in the dark, sing, and dance. One puppet came out on a pink flamingo. It was so funny. The music was great and I think the kids got a lot out of it.

For our pet thing the Buddy died. My parents put him to sleep and the puppy is getting big. If anyone doesn't know we have a dog called Wilbur. He is a bull dog.
He is soooo cute. Holding him is my friend Issac.

We will be moving away from my precious La Crescent to somewhere else. But home is where my family is so where ever my family goes I do too. When I die I will go home to Jesus but now I have to live here. Anyways I will be done with the semester and I will be going to camp this summer. I can't wait.

Before and After Easter

Hey since my last bloggie I had a lot of changes in our lives. First of all my dad bought a new puppy. He is an english bulldog. He is all white and he looks like a piglet so we called him Wilbur. You know after Charolette's Web. He is so cute. Larry our other dog is so jealous that he attacks Wilbur if he is in the way. New meat.

Talking about pets, our cat Buddy who is 15 yrs old in cat years is dying. Sad but true. Anyways he has been weird for the past few days my mom says.

Easter went good for some. Some one got the Holy Ghost and I got to see it. I played Sunday morning and then went to the Eastman's for dinner. I was sick the night before so I stayed there during church and rested.

I have something wrong with my digestive system but, now I am better.

Anyways that is my update.

Oh Happy Day!

Angie Johnson is mad at me!

Hey it is me Emily. My sister Angie is soo mad at me because I told her that I didn't like her lifestyle and I didn't know her anymore. I know I shouldn't of judged her but, I did tell her how I felt.

Here is what she thinks of me right now:

Emily,
I didn't appreciate your last comment. First and foremost... I have never made comments to you about your lifestyle. I do not agree how you live your life but I try to support you. Second... what is you're problem?!? If you have an issue as to how I'm living my life why on earth would you post a comment about it... message me or something. Use some manners. Putting someone on blast for all to see is just rude. If you are worried as to how your friend see me, you needn't worry. My profile has been set to private for some time now. You are also no longer on my list of friends so message me if you will but I guess you'll have to find out about my putrid life by actually talking to me. What a concept! Anyways, if you knew me you'd realize that some of my profile is for shock value... plus you need to realize my sense of humor and yours is on different wave lengths. BTW... your attitude of judgement is a specific reason why non christians have a hard time seeing the love of Jesus.

-Angie

Anyways I wasnt judging her because I am just saying what is in my heart and I am concerned for her I didn't mean to offend her at all. Also I shouldn't said what I said on myspace.com.

Oh well!

Onalaska Youth Connection 2008

This years YC was the bomb. It was last night and I had a blast. I only remember on line from the speaker and he said "RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!" Because they keep you safe. Also the music was great and I didn't see anyone recieve the Holy Ghost but I know at least someone was touched and felt God's presense. I know this guy who has a Mental illness and he came in a couple times and I think God is getting to him. He is soaking God in. I can feel it. I know Jesus will heal him in Jesus Name.

After the service we went to the YMCA and pizza I hung out with Clarissa and we had a little experiment with the garlic sauce. It was so great.

Anyways I was just catching up...

Next Youth Connection

The next YC is this Friday. It is also my spiritual birthday. I will be 2 years old. If I didn't recieve the Holy Ghost two years ago I would off been dead. I am so glad that I have Jesus in my life.

Power in the Name
Healing in the Name
Love that beautiful Name
Bless that beautiful Name

Becoming Full-filled

When I was growing up I was raised in a "Christian" home. As I review my life I always had it laid out for me. I always went to the same church, but I didn't get anything out of it. I didn't want to worship God or want to pray. First Free, the church I went to didn't have the answers. I always felt uncomfortable. It had an atmosphere of the majority of the people that were not living Biblically. It had three services, and so if people wanted to pray, they couldn't be in the sanctuary because another group of people were coming in.
When I talked to my friend Pauline about this issue, she invited me to the church that she went to. She said that she went to Apostolic Life Church. Pauline and I were friends for a couple years and I knew I could trust her; but I was kind of skeptical because the congregation spoke in tongues. Tongues are a type of speech that people use for praise and prayer. Some people raise their hands and give shouts as well. I made a decision that I would go to church with Pauline.
As I walked into the sanctuary I started to freeze up. I went into a small church building surrounded by familiar faces. I just wanted to walk out of there. Instead, I slowly entered the small sanctuary walking down the center aisle. Thinking about everyone being energetic and talking weird made me want to just turn around and run. When the worship band started to play a song, music started to fill the room. Pauline liked to sit near the front on the left side, so we sat on the third row and she stayed standing and I just sat there and observed. The worship band did the opening song. It was a song that I didn't know at all. After the song was done, the pastor of the church came up in the pulpit and put a prayer list on the overhead. I saw all these names of people who were lost and sick. I saw the congregation stand and started praying for all these people. I just wanted to laugh out loud, but I didn't want to be rude. I just sat there on the pew.
The worship played more songs. I knew some of the songs because the other church I went to played the same songs. Before going to the church that I go to now I went to an Evangelical Free church and they were not so intense on prayer and praise. Even though the songs were familiar, I didn't sing them but I stood up anyway because I wanted to be respectful. I knew something spiritual was there because I didn't feel comfortable and usually when there is something good there and you did wrong it felt uncomfortable. I felt like people were looking at me. It was just in my head. I wanted to sing but I didn't want people to think I was having a good time. I used to sing and worship, but I lost my faith because I had a lot of trials, and I was living my way and not God's. I just acted like I was bored and I looked at the other people in the other pews. I was watching them praise God, and they made it look easy. I started to cry. I got up and ran to the bathroom to hide my tears.
When I got out of the bathroom, I went back to where I was sitting. The Pastor just got finished with the announcements and he welcomed me back to the service because I have been there before with Pauline. Then he started the message. It was a great message. It made me think about my life and how I want to live it. Do I want to live in sin and go to Hell or still live in sin but go to Heaven with my friend? As the pastor concluded, he told the congregation to come to the front and pray. I didn't. I stayed right where I was sitting because I was a stubborn person and I was scared. So I just sat there and felt guilty at my seat. Then I started to pray for my repentance.
Pastor Boyd, the pastor of the church, saw me and came over to me and put his hand on his head and said that I was going to receive the Holy Ghost that night. It was something I wanted for weeks. Many of my friends and family had been talking about it. I didn't really know what it was until someone explained it to me. I was told that it was God working with humans through spirit. I said ok, but I still didn't know what I was going to do or say. He told me to start praising God. I put my hands up towards the sky and waited for his instructions. He told me to thank the Lord and say Hallelujah. Pauline was there to pray with me and so were some other women in the church. It started to get a little warm, and little beads of sweat started to drip from my forehead. People in the church were looking at me, but I didn't care if there were other people looking at me. The other people were speaking in tongues and all of a sudden some other language was coming out of my mouth and I started to utter. The definition of tongues is that it is another language that God gives people the ability to speak. People say it is the language before the Tower of Babel. I looked like I was having a seizure or I was shivering. I was speaking in tongues. I don't know how long I was speaking like that.
After the service Pastor Boyd asked me how I felt. I told him that I felt really good. He said now I had to get baptized in Jesus' Name. Acts 2:38 says that you are supposed to repent and be baptized in Jesus' Name. I told him that I would think about it. I didn't understand that I had to because I was baptized in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Then I found out that it wasn't the same. I had a Bible study with my friend Jeri Jo and she made it clear that I needed to be baptized in Jesus' Name because it was in the Bible and I knew that Bible was not wrong. So I got baptized in Jesus' Name a month later.
I never went back to the First Free again. I got more involved with the church. I am now in the music ministry singing and soon I will be playing the piano. As I look back on all this I knew I made the right decision. I made many friends and I found answers at the Apostolic Life Church rather than First Free. Since I had been going to Apostolic Life Church I haven't missed a service. I enjoy the services and I will never go back to the past that I overcame.

What should I do after school?

Hey everyone I made a mistake on my first post. I am not 23 I am 22.

Anyways next Friday I will be 2 years old. LOL! I am not a 2 year old child. I had the Holy Ghost for two years. I am so glad that I came so far in Jesus Name.

I will be graduating my Disabilities Support Specialist Program and after that I might go to bible college to study Theology and consentration with music but I dont know where I want go. There is a school in Saint Paul called Apostolic Bible Institute. Also there is Indiana Bible College and Gateway that is Missori. Anyways I have to have my pastor to talk to because that is the requirements and I am scarred that I will fail but with God I guess I can do all things.

Anyways I hope everyone is having a good day.

Being Emily

Hey all who might be reading this blog. I haven't updated it for a while because I forgot I had one. Anyway I just want to tell you all that I am doing great. School is doing good. Life could be better though because I might get tested for Asperger Syndrome which is a high functioning Autism. YAY for me!.

Another thing that could be better is that my brother Garrett signed up for the army. I hate the idea because he and I have this great relationship and I don't want to see him killed or get injured.

My parents are moving from La Crescent to Sparta which I also hate. I love it in La Crescent. It is so peaceful. I don't like Sparta because there is nothing to do and I can't get to La Crosse on a bus like I can in La Crescent.

I have some good news. My brother Aaron moved back home and I am able to play during Youth Connection (Section 4 youth rally) and some music at church which I enjoy much. So I happy that God gave me this gift so I can share it with others.

Anyways I hope your lives are great and I will try to post some more blogs in the future.